


With a Wonder and a Wild Desire

by Passions



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blues Bar, Blues Dancing, F/M, I'm going to do my best to draw out the UST for a little while at least, Oh and this is set in Canada, because fuck yeah Canada, because what good is close dancing, brief discussions of abusive relationships, current rating is for language and the brief discussions mentioned, it will be going up later on, tattoo parlour, without some UST to make it interesting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:12:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5897752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Passions/pseuds/Passions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sansa runs from problems she can no longer handle and shouldn’t have to deal with she ends up moving in with her older brother, Robb. Suddenly bereft of her job she finds herself bored and constantly caught up with her thoughts and worries over the recent past until her younger brother, Rickon, recommends her as the new receptionist at the tattoo parlour he’s apprenticing in. One of the co-owners of the shop, Rickon’s girlfriend, is friendly and full of laughter. The other part-owner is absolutely the most intimidating man Sansa has ever met and yet less truly scary than she expected. </p><p>Sansa joins the shop's weekly excursions to a Blues Bar just down the street and finds herself getting closer (physically as well as emotionally) to this large yet quiet man than she thought herself capable of after her recent past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With a Wonder and a Wild Desire

The train ride from Ottawa to Toronto was really a lovely one. To Sansa’s mind the trip was best in autumn, the trees so vibrant with their changing colours in all shades of red and orange and yellow; especially in the early evening with the bright colours of the sunset added to the palette.

August in the afternoon didn’t have quite that charm, but it was still beautiful. Acres of farmland, sometimes with cows or horses wandering about. Small lakes, ponds, and rivers burbling along. Areas where someone, years ago, had blasted through rock in order to make space for a railway and left shoulders of rough stone on either side. And the forests filled with green trees were almost as pretty as the colourful fall versions. Instead of a heated interior making it comfortable to watch the blowing wind, cool air filled the train while the windows were warmed by the brightly shining sun.

The beauty of the scenery was some small help towards settling the roiling mass of worry and fear that Sansa’s stomach had become as soon as she had stepped onto the train.

The stops in other cities along the way came more often once they had passed through Napanee, and as they neared Toronto more and more of the surrounding views became tall buildings and highways. Pavement and concrete and glass instead of leaves, grass, and stone. Less picturesque, perhaps, but a welcome sight all the same. For Sansa, Toronto meant family and safety after the mess she had left behind in Ottawa. Not to mention that no matter how comfortable the train was, after four and a half hours she was more than ready to disembark.

Union Station was filled to its elegant rafters with people rushing to and fro. 5:20 on a Friday evening meant a huge number of people travelling home from work on top of those coming in from out of town or leaving the city for the weekend. Sansa gathered up the one suitcase she had brought with her and followed the flow of people from the trains, past a number of little shops and fast food counters, and into a larger space. In the more open Main Hall her steps slowed as she looked around for a head of auburn hair a few shades darker than her own.

Robb must have spotted her before she saw him because she felt a light tap on her shoulder and jumped around to see her older brother smiling at her with his arms held wide open, his bright blue eyes and smile shining with happiness. She left her suitcase and eagerly flung herself into his embrace, allowing herself to grip him tightly so she could focus on not allowing the tears that suddenly filled her eyes to spill over.

Robb was the oldest of their many siblings, and the only one older than her. The two of them had always been close and he had always been her protector. From creepy insects to the monsters under her bed to the time when a seven year old Sansa had accidentally broken one of their mother’s vases and Robb had taken the blame for it, he had always stood between her and her fears. In return Sansa had been his nurse, helping their mother to tend to every cut and bruise and cold that he picked up. When Sansa had started dating in highschool Robb, only three years older than her, had been worse even than their father in making sure the boys knew who they would be dealing with if they ever hurt her. 

It was a pity that the bad relationships had only come after she moved away and that she hadn’t recognized the real monsters soon enough to ask him to scare them away.

Sansa hadn’t told anyone in her family, not even Robb or Arya, about Joffrey. Despite the love she knew her family had for her she had been ashamed about . . . well, everything really. Ashamed that she had allowed herself to fall into such a relationship, ashamed that she had once believed Joff to be the shining Prince of her dreams, ashamed that she wasn’t able to deal with the situation on her own. And she didn’t want to ever tell them about it because now, on top of all the shame she already held, she felt both ashamed and guilty that she hadn’t gone to them for help and that the help she had taken had only put her in a worse situation and eventually taken her away from the career she had been building for herself. She didn’t want to tell any of them any of it, but she knew she was going to have to. Showing up like this, leaving Ottawa out of the blue, they were going to be wondering why and they were going to want answers. The anxiety over finally having to admit to everything had been eating away at her for the whole trip, the feelings like some living thing clawing at her insides every time her thoughts drifted in their direction.

But for now, in this time before she had to confess to her failures, she wanted to revel in her big brother’s strength and love and pretend that he could still protect her from anything that threatened her and that his smile still represented the safety that it always had.

Eventually she realized that he was rocking her gently back and forth and rubbing a hand up and down her back. She had to focus to hear his it’s alrights and you’re okays. Apparently she hadn’t hid her emotions quite as well as she had planned.

Sansa took a deep breath and pulled herself back from the serenity of her brother’s hug, giving him a lopsided smile before letting her eyes fall from his face to the ground. “Sorry about that. I guess it’s just been a long time since I saw you last.”

Robb cupped her face in his hands and lifted her eyes back up to his, scanning her face and clearly finding something despite the nonchalant image she was trying to project. He brushed a thumb lightly over her cheek and smiled at her. “Whatever happened, you’re home now. You’re safe.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled her into another tight hug, releasing her much more quickly this time. “You don’t have to talk right now, but I’m here, okay?” He stared at her until she nodded and then he smiled brightly again. Turning around he grabbed hold of her suitcase and wrapped his free arm around her shoulders, marching off towards the parking lot. “Now, let’s get home. Jeyne has lasagna in the oven and I am starving.”

Sansa smiled, relieved that she wasn’t going to have to go into everything just yet. She wrapped her arm around his waist and they matched their steps together as they headed for Robb’s car, their long legs moving in unison and eating up the distance in no time at all.

 

***

The drive from the station to Robb’s apartment was twenty minutes of comfortable silence, the buildings and people of downtown Toronto flashing by as Robb navigated the streets with practiced ease. Sansa sighed in delight as they drove past Casa Loma, the sun still shining over the fantastic stone building. It had been built in the early twentieth century by a rich man enamoured with the architecture of castles in Europe. It had proved too costly for him to maintain and eventually the city had taken control of it and made it into a tourist attraction, and a beautiful one at that with its turrets and crenellations and vibrant gardens; Toronto’s very own castle.

Robb chuckled at her pleased exhalation. “It’s too bad you’re only here for tonight. If you were staying longer we could go sightseeing.”

Sansa laughed and rolled her eyes. “I grew up here with the rest of you, remember? I’ve seen Toronto, don’t worry.”

Robb snorted as he pulled the car into an underground parking garage beneath his building. “Yeah, and you’ve been away for most of the past five years.” Sansa felt herself stiffen as the smile slid off her face and after he had pulled into his assigned spot, Robb seemed to notice and his face reflected his concern. “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that.” He rubbed a hand over her arm and smiled. “Life happens.”

Sansa shook of her discomfort and smiled at him, squeezing his hand. “No, it’s fine. I haven’t come back as much as I should have done.” The gnawing guilt was back. And it wasn’t because she hadn’t been coming home for holidays, the guilt was there because of why she hadn’t been home in so long. The first year had just been because her final year of University had been so busy, but the second she had blown of holidays at home in favour of staying with Joff, and the year after that she had spent all of her holidays across the country from her family because Joffrey had not allowed her to go home. More recently leaving Ottawa had seemed impossible and her guilt had settled like an anchor, tethering her to a place she didn’t really want to be.

She was here in Toronto now not so much because she had rid herself of that anchor, but because things had reached a point where she was willing to carry the damn thing if it meant getting away from him.

Deliberately shaking away all the negative thoughts, Sansa followed Robb as he grabbed her suitcase from the backseat, locked up the car, and headed over to an elevator, pushing the button for the seventeenth floor once they stepped in.

When they stepped out of the elevator, there was a small lobby area ahead with couches and a large window with a view of the city, hallways extending to either side. The floors were all cream marble, the walls painted a delicate beige. Simple and pretty and filled with sunlight.

Robb’s apartment was just as light and just as pretty but so much nicer because it was clearly a home with coats and shoes hung and stacked by the door and a couple of baby toys at the end of the hallway that led to the living room. The kitchen was right next to the front door so the smell of the lasagna washed over Sansa and Robb as soon as they stepped inside. 

Jeyne turned from stove, beaming, having just set the lasagna on top of it and closed the oven. “Wonderful, you’re just in time!” She came over and kissed her husband briefly before wrapping Sansa in a warm hug despite being many inches shorter, her oven-mitted hands still warm against Sansa’s back. 

Sansa loved her sister-in-law. The first time Sansa met her she had thought Jeyne to be rather plain, pretty certainly but not stunning, and shy. But she was one of the kindest, warmest people Sansa had ever come across and Robb absolutely adored her. He had met her while they worked as counselors at the same summer camp and when he caught some sort of bug she had taken care of him. He’d been smitten with her ever since. Sansa wondered if she should have felt like her space as Robb’s nurse was being encroached upon, but honestly the thought had never crossed her mind. Jeyne made Robb blindingly happy and the rest of them had fallen for her pretty quickly too once Robb brought her home.

Jeyne ended her hug with a tight squeeze and shooed Sansa towards the table that sat through an archway before turning to Robb. “Lyan’s just in his playpen if you want to get him set up for dinner.” 

Robb smiled and nudged Sansa towards the other room. “Want to see the baby boy?” He chuckled as Sansa nodded enthusiastically.

Through the archway, the main room was a huge open space with French doors that led to a balcony all along one wall. The dinner table sat on one side of the room with couches set around a fireplace on the other side. Just outside the circle of couches, Robb and Jeyne’s son, Lyan, was bouncing excitedly in his playpen and blowing his lips to make a sort of buzzing sound that was probably an indication of his delight in having his father home.

Sansa hadn’t come back to visit often in the last little while, but she had made sure she was in town when Lyan was born not quite seven months ago. Despite everything else going on there was no way she could have missed the birth of her brother’s first child. Robb had been beaming with happiness and pride all four days that Sansa had been in town and she imagined he probably hadn’t quite stopped since.

Robb laughed at the boy’s antics and strode over to swing him up into his arms, blowing raspberries against Lyan’s stomach as he giggled.

Sansa felt the smile stretching across her face as she watched them. Like most of their siblings, Robb took after their mother in looks, but in personality he was a lot like their father, stern and warmly loving by turns. He was born to be a family man. Robb loved his job, especially since it let him work with kids, but he had become so much more content with his life since marrying Jeyne and now, with their son in his arms, he was so . . . complete, Sansa thought. He seemed complete here at home with his own family.

Robb smiled and came over to her, murmuring to the boy he was carrying. “Lyan, this is your aunt Sansa.” Robb looked up at her. “Did you want to hold him?”

Sansa beamed and nodded. She reached for Lyan and he made a chirping noise as he was passed over. She had held him only a few hours after he had been born and he had been so incredibly tiny and still and quiet in that hospital room. Quite the contrast to how he was barely seven months later. As soon as she had him settled in her arms he was reaching up for her face, her hair, continuing with his blowing and chirping noises as he kicked his legs about with no real goal but to move it seemed. Robb just laughed and said he must like her.

Dinner was delicious. When Sansa told Jeyne the food was good enough to remind her of her childhood, Jeyne laughingly confessed to having asked Catelyn for her lasagna recipe only a month or so ago. They had each taken turns feeding Lyan and he seemed just as entertained by Sansa’s attempts as by those of his parents. Lyan ended up with about half of his mashed sweet potatoes in his stomach and the other half spread around his tray and over his front, so as soon as dinner was finished Jeyne took him to get washed up and changed while Robb took care of the mess at the table. Sansa helped him to do up the dishes quickly and they retired to the couches in the living area.

Lyan, apparently tuckered out by dinner’s antics and his subsequent bath, had been put to bed, so Robb disappeared briefly into the nursery to kiss him goodnight before returning to Sansa and Jeyne.

When he got back, he pulled his phone out of his pocket before he sat down and looked at Sansa. “I wanted to call Mum and Dad, let them know you’re here and that we’ll all be heading up their way tomorrow morning to drop you off and visit for a bit.”

Sansa nodded. “Yeah, good idea, I’m sure they’ll be wondering.” 

The family had lived in Toronto while the kids were growing up but once they had all finished high-school and Rickon had started at college, their parents had moved up to their cottage in Gravenhurst full time. They were both still technically working, but they had semi-retired to more advisory capacities in their businesses so they wouldn’t have to be in the city all the time. The only way to get to Gravenhurst was to drive, so when Sansa had bought her ticket out of Ottawa a few days ago her plan was to stay the night with Robb in Toronto and then go up with him to their parents’ place from there.

Robb’s phone was a heavy thing, the thick case meant to protect it from all kinds of fall and water related damage. He pulled up their parents’ house number and hit send, switching over to speakerphone before setting it down on the coffee table.

Their mother answered on the first ring and Sansa closed her eyes at the sound of the familiar voice. “Robb! I’ve been waiting! Did you pick up your sister? Is everything okay?”

It felt like a lifetime since she had heard her mother’s voice, though it probably hadn’t been much more than a couple of months. Sansa had avoided calling prior to getting on the train, wanting to put off an explanation for as long as possible. Instead she had just sent a text and said that she would explain when she got into Toronto.

As Sansa sat caught up in her own head, Robb gave some answer, followed by something else from her mother and then her father’s voice came over the phone as well. If it had been a lifetime since talking to her mother, it felt like centuries since hearing her father’s gruff voice and tears actually sprang to her eyes as the sound reminded her of younger and much more innocent days. She had to swallow a couple of times so her voice wouldn’t sound raw when she spoke.

“Hi Mum, hi Dad.”

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Sansa willed the tears away. “Yeah Dad, I’m okay.”

“Sansa, what is going on?” Catelyn’s voice was heavy with worry.

Sansa shook her head, even though they couldn’t see, and avoided looking over at Robb and Jeyne next to her. Likely they looked just as worried as Catelyn sounded and she didn’t think she could handle that at the moment without breaking down. “I just . . . had to leave Ottawa. A problem arose and there just . . . wasn’t any other option.”

“But you loved writing for Embassy.”

“I know Mum, I know. Do we need to discuss this right now?”

“Sansa, we need to know what’s going on. You’ve been so distant lately and now all of a sudden you quit a job you love and leave Ottawa with only a couple of days’ notice. Petyr said you didn’t even say you were leaving.”

Sansa felt a wave of cold dread wash over her and she clutched at her knees tightly so that her hands wouldn’t shake. “You spoke to him?”

“Of course I did! I wanted to know what was going on, and he’s your boss. You can’t just up and leave a job without giving notice.”

Sansa had known, of course, that Petyr and her mother had been friends when they were younger. There was no way she could forget that they had once been close, the number of times Petyr brought it up. But she hadn’t thought they were still close enough for her mother to actually call him, just to check up on her. Clearly she had underestimated their friendship, or her mother’s worry about her, or both.

“Fuck.” She whispered. One hand stole up to cover her mouth as her other arm wrapped protectively around her waist. “Did you tell him where I was going?” She stole a glance at Robb and saw he was frowning deeply. He looked confused, but clearly the suggestion that she didn’t want her boss knowing where she was told him something was more wrong than he had thought.

Catelyn sounded a bit unsure now as she answered. “Yes, of course. He seemed worried. I told him you were coming home to Gravenhurst. Why does that matter, Sansa?”

Sansa’s head dropped into her hands and she rubbed at her temples. “I didn’t want to go into this over the phone.”

“Sansa what is going on?” The connection seemed to crack and spark with Catelyn’s panic.

There was no use in trying to put it off now. Her mother would worry herself sick until she got an explanation and even if Sansa hung up on her parents to avoid talking, Robb and Jeyne were going to want answers as well. She sighed, trying to figure out how best to explain everything that had happened. There seemed to be so much, all of this had taken up years of her life, and yet she could provide the bare essentials in only a few sentences. Where to even start?

Eventually she just launched herself into what seemed to be the beginning of all of this: Joffrey. She explained how she had met him, how nice he had seemed, and why she had decided to spend that first year’s holidays with him. The words came harder as the story worsened, but if she stopped it would be harder to continue so she pushed through as Joff forbid her to visit home and she came to realize that even if he hadn’t, she would have placed the ban on herself because she couldn’t bear the risk that her parents or her siblings might notice the bruises. That they would ask about them and she would be forced to confess her clear inability to read people. That they would see the evidence of her failure to recognize what Joffrey was.

Sansa kept herself tucked into one corner of the couch as she told the story. There was silence from the phone as well as from the audience next to her, but she couldn’t bear to look at whatever expressions of pity might be flitting across their faces. Instead she swept her hair over the shoulder closest to them and kept her gaze on the slowly setting summer sun, trying to wrap the warmth of its rays around herself like a blanket to keep out the dripping cold of the memories.

She explained that she had stayed away not because she didn’t trust her family but because she had been so utterly disappointed in herself for choosing Joff in the first place and for allowing the relationship to develop as it had that she just couldn’t fathom how they wouldn’t share that disappointment. And she couldn’t bear to see the nasty things she felt towards herself mirrored back at her from their eyes.

Talk of Joffrey’s vileness gave way to mentions of working with Petyr in Vancouver, of mentoring under him, of how much she had learned about reporting and about politics from him, and of how he had noticed the bruises when Joffrey had been particularly stupid one night about the placement of his hand. When Petyr had mentioned he’d bought a paper in Ottawa and that he would be uprooting to move across the country, when he had offered her the chance to do the same and work for him in the capital, it had seemed like a dream come true. The chance to work under her mentor and most of a country between herself and Joffrey. She had accepted immediately.

And it had been just as amazing as she had hoped. Her flatmates, Myranda and Mya, had become two of the best friends she could ever have hoped to have. With Petyr’s earlier training, she had no trouble navigating the sometimes complicated maneuverings at the prominent paper and she had begun to build a nice little career for herself. She hadn’t heard from Joffrey since leaving B.C. Sansa had been beyond grateful for what Petyr had done for her.

Until he decided that it was a service that required payment, and in very specific coin.

Regardless of the his help, the price he requested was not something she had been willing to pay and his comments about the similarities between herself and her mother had only served to disincline her further towards his advances. At first it had just been cajoling and she had brushed it off as a joke until he started trying to make her feel guilty. And when that hadn’t worked he had stopped the Embassy from publishing anything she wrote, always finding some excuse or other so it wouldn’t look suspicious to anyone else.

She left when he graduated to physical threats. 

When Sansa finally finished speaking it was so silent it felt like some invisible vacuum was sucking all of the air from the room. She could practically feel the rage emanating from her brother, and neither of her parents had spoken since she started talking.

“Are you -” Catelyn broke off, as if she couldn’t even contemplate the thought. “Are you saying Petyr tried to force himself on you?”

Sansa choked out some sort of strangled laugh. “Yeah sure, I guess you could say he tried.”

“I can’t believe Petyr would do that.” Sansa could practically hear her mother’s head shaking in her confusion. “He’s always been such a good friend. A good man.”

Robb broke his silence with a growl. “Well your daughter just told you he’s a fucking sexual predator so I guess you don’t know him as well as you thought.”

“Robb Maron Stark!” Their father’s voice exploded through the phone and the rage that undercut all of Robb’s words was clear in Ned’s tone as well. “Believe me when I say that I understand your anger. But you do not speak to your mother like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Catelyn spoke softly. “I’ve just known him for so long. I’m trying to wrap my head around believing it.”

“He’s a sick fuck who doesn’t merit any further thought. There’s nothing to be believed or disbelieved. Your daughter just told you what happened. What else do you need?” Robb growled and ran his hand through his hair. “Sansa’s going to stay here. Since Baelish knows she was going back to Gravenhurst she’s better off here. And if he shows up I’ll put a knife through his heart.”

He pushed the end-call button before either of their parents could say anything else and got up to pace angrily around the room. His phone rang a couple of times but he ignored it. Jeyne was whispering harshly to Robb, clearly angry but unwilling to raise her voice for the sake of the sleeping baby down the hall. Sansa let the sound of her sister-in-law’s rant wash over her as she pulled her knees up to her chest and let her head rest against them. Despite her love for her family, she had been a little worried they would be angry with her, either for the situation she had managed to land herself in or for failing to ask for help earlier, but she had never expected for them to be angry with each other. This was so much worse than she had steeled herself against and it was still her fault.

Jeyne managed to persuade Robb to sit back down and Sansa tuned herself into their conversation.

“I really do get why you’re angry, hon. I’m upset too. But you know your mom wasn’t trying to say she didn’t believe Sansa. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a family as attached to each other as you lot. Your parents are just as devoted to Sansa as you are.”

Robb groaned and rubbed his hands roughly over his face. “I know. I know. I do know that. I just – Gods. Sansa?”

She couldn’t really continue to ignore him when he was talking directly to her, but she took her time turning to look at him. His face was alternately stretched and pinched as his jaw clenched in distress and she felt a pang in her chest at having caused him this pain.

Robb took her hands and squeezed gently, trying to catch her gaze as she avoided his eyes. “I am so sorry. For not being there. For not noticing. For not stopping them.”

Sansa shook her head. “I’m sorry for not telling you guys earlier.”

Robb pulled her into him. “Not your fault.” As hard as she had clung to him earlier at the train station, he squeezed her even closer, as if afraid she might slip away if he left even the slightest amount of space between them. Sansa eagerly returned the embrace and as she did she thought about her brother and their relationship. He had always been her protector, and as much as she had depended on him in that capacity, he had taken the role seriously. He probably felt like he had failed in upholding that role but of course it was her fault for not informing him of what she needed protection against.

Sansa pulled away. “It’s not your fault either. That this happened. Don’t blame yourself.”

Robb smiled sadly. “It might be a little while before I can believe that.”

Sansa stood and squeezed his hand. “I’m going to head into bed.”

Jeyne jumped to her feet and pulled Sansa into another crushing hug. “You’re just at the end of the hall, like usual.” She smiled before sitting back down next to her husband and lacing her fingers through his.

Sansa hurried through her before bed routine – slipping into worn and soft pajamas, washing off her makeup, brushing her teeth, braiding her hair, and finally snuggling herself under the comforter Jeyne had put on the bed. It was summer but the apartment was nice and cool and the comforter provided a sense of security as much as warmth. She could still hear the two of them talking quietly out in the living room. Jeyne was probably trying to convince Robb of what Sansa had already told him and likely also talking him out of organizing some sort of mob to travel up to Ottawa with torches and pitchforks immediately. His calm, sweet wife had a much better chance of succeeding than the sister he had just learned the terrible secret about.

Sansa had just checked her alarm for the morning and was setting her phone down on the night table when her phone buzzed with a call from her mother. She picked it up instantly and her heart ached again in her chest as she heard the tears in Catelyn’s voice.

“Sansa? I know it’s late, love, but please don’t hang up. I wanted to give you some time but I couldn’t sleep without talking to you. I’m shocked at how wrong I was about Petyr for so long but that doesn’t mean I didn’t believe what you were telling me, I swear. 

“I have always been here for you. And I will always be here for you. I will always be on your side.”

The cold, painful ache in Sansa’s chest dissipated as Catelyn spoke and the empty space was replaced with the warmth of the love that ran so strong in their family. “I know Mama. I know you’re on my side. And Robb knows it too, I promise. He was just so angry about the situation.”

“Why didn’t you say anything, Sansa? Earlier? I’m not trying to berate you, I just . . . was it my fault? Did I do something wrong?”

“No! Mom, no. I promise. It’s like I said, I was too upset with myself and I couldn’t see how everyone else wouldn’t feel exactly the same way. You raised me to be polite, but you also raised me to stand up for myself, to take care of myself, to value myself. And I let myself fall into an abusive relationship. I failed at all of that, at everything you taught me.”

“Oh, Sansa.” Sansa could hear the quiet weeping coming over the phone.

“I know, Mama. I don’t feel that way now. At least not as much. Just, at the time I couldn’t stand for you to be as disappointed in me as I was in myself. I had to keep you all separate from that shit. It was easier that way.”

“Just – just swear to me that you’ll tell me next time something bad happens. Anything. No matter how bad. No matter what you think my response will be. You, all five of you, are the reason in your father’s life and in mine. We are always here for you, no matter what.”

Sansa smiled. “Well, I’m going to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. But I promise. If I need you for anything, I will ask.”

“Good girl. You get some sleep now.”

Phone locked up and set aside, Sansa pulled the covers up snug again and burrowed into the pillow beneath her head, and it was only as she was beginning to settle that she felt the difference in herself. The tension that had been pulling up and up on her shoulders over the last few years was ebbing away and she felt so much lighter. Memories, and secrets especially, for all that they were ethereal concepts with no real-world mass, can be unbelievably heavy. The weight builds up slowly over time and it is only when the pressure is gone that one notices how much they have stooped while trying to carry the load.

As hard as it had been to relive those events, as hard as it had been to admit to all the things that Sansa saw as failures to herself, this freedom and lightness was worth it. Suddenly Sansa was looking forward to whatever she was going to do with herself now because suddenly there was no more anchor to drag along behind her. The recently unfamiliar liberty of choice was exhilarating and she fell asleep to half-formed plans and wish lists floating through her mind.


End file.
